I woke up this morning with a horrible hangover from a black-out drunk and couldn't find any aspirin in the house. What's worse is my asshole was itchy and burning and I had bits of carpet in my teeth. Do you think I got buggered? I mean, I'm straight as an arrow, but I'm afraid I may have had gay sex. Am I going to get AIDS and die?
Yours Truly, A Royal Pain in the Ass
Dear A Royal Pain in the Ass,
Sounds like a regular morning for me! It could be that you are an epileptic with a really bad case of hemorrhoids, or maybe your not wiping well enough. However, did any of farts smell like cum that day? If so, then you probably did get butt fucked. But, it's nothing to be ashamed of. It happens to the best of us (if we can be so lucky!) I wouldn't worry about getting AIDS, but you might wind up with some anal warts. My gut instinct tells me that you had a seizure and a hemorrhoid popped out of your poop hole. Go get some Preparation H, lather your finger up with a big glop and shove it up your butt. If you get a boner, then you might actually like gay sex....which, would mean you did have ass sex and got 'roids as a result. Either way, good luck!
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